Thanks for taking the time to comment, it means a lot. I think the consequences of my mothers death and my fathers actions did lead to the breakup of our family in the end completely but Im not to blame for that its just life. Since, he never told the nursing home to contact me and never listed me as a KIN ill never really know the true reason for his passing. My estranged father passed away March of this year and Im still having a difficult time processing it. My father was adopted, this was used by him as an excuse for many of his failings. I have the fondest memories of all of my family in that town, actually. When a parent dies, its devastating, right? Unfortunately the lack of emotional connection with my dad led to estranged relationships with all three of his children. I dont know perhaps it was always my mother who wanted kids and he just went along with it and his childhood disrupted by war and 6 years away perhaps at 13 he thought I was old enough to basically suck it up. The loss of what could of been is breaking my heart as much as my fathers passing. It is not unusual for major events even a death to not be communicated. Adopted and fostered children tend not to have secure attachments and this resonates throughout life and impacts all relationships. As far as I know he didnt contact me or try to- I grew up feeling unwanted and different I suppose as all my friends had dads. It seems that this is more common than I realised when I wrote it. Or Id go, but spend the entire time at my aunt and uncles house with my cousins instead. When I wrote the post I had no idea how many people would read it, or how many people had been through a similar experience. They married and we were a family of 4 again this time with a good man who wanted to be there. Thanks. The nursing home wont release much information to me where he passed other than he died of Covid-19. He made a new family and actually told us he was given an ultimatum by his new wife and he chose her. And ill try and be more accepting of people offering their condolences, instead of keeping on minimising the occasion because i dont feel that i deserve condolences. Reading you blog is something I can finally resonate with as Ive found it extremely hard to put my feelings into writing. Thank you for this. Although I was lucky enough to have my mums brothers, my uncles, its not quite the same. I was so influenced by my parents that I entered into a marriage that took the exact same spin. . I dont want to be angry anymore and I dont want to be sad either. Im not writing about this to hurt anyones feelings. It will come from nowhere and hit. If people take anything from this article it should be please reach out, Make contact, if you can attend the funeral. After all, now he had a new family, I guess. Ive been going through exactly this. But for me, Im not grieving because hes no longer here. I have to say that what he did ruined my life. Grieving the death of an estranged parent can be overwhelming even for someone like me who is accustomed to speaking with the deceased and bereaved as a psychic medium. Sign up for Scary Mommy's daily newsletter for more stories from the trenches. The warmth of a summer sun, the calm of a quiet sea. I have fewer and fewer. And now a father who is still not here, but I no longer have to wonder if today will be the day he decides he swallows his pride and wants to see his grandkids. Thank for you posting this. I had a child of my own and wanted to see if we could have some sort of relationship, he was a grandfather and I thought I owed it to my son to try and give him a relationship with him. I hated the man. I didnt have a Dad. He was an adult who decided his 12 year old daughters existence was more of a liability than it was worth. Their mother died a year before him. And thank you for mentioning Stand Alone, I hadnt heard of them before so I will give them a look up. High school came and went. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. But I am so appreciative that this came to me today. When things werent going well, I made the decision to walk away. As I said I would probably have been the same before experiencing it for myself. F amily man, first and foremost. This time I spend 2 weeks of denial, getting anxious, clingy, needy, kind of crazy and my OCD through the sky, no concentration and my house getting messier every day, until one day in desperation I told my neighbor that I was going nuts and she told me No, you are grieving, to what I said it was impossible because he didnt deserve to intervene in my life to this point, he doesnt deserve my erratic uncontrollable conduct and that I though I was messing up my future and relationships in my life for him, that he didnt lost a day of his life for me. When someone loses an estranged parent through death, there may or may not be a huge need for support from family and friends. This poem is perfect for a funeral service because it shows that even after our Father has passed away, we will keep him in our hearts and memory forever. As a mother you can let your son know you feel his pain without waiting for him to tell you. Well I dont feel like I will grieve but I know that something has also been lost a connection with my past a connection to my mother who I loved so deeply. I wish I knew the underlying reason. The more normal life goes on, the more the distance becomes greater than just physical miles. It was just over a year ago for me and I still feel like there is so much left unsaid and that I wasnt supported as much as I needed, not through anyones fault. The death of an estranged parent means you're forced to grieve their death twice. There is sadness and confused feeling of why am I sad; and also a stark reminder that one day, we all have to go. I am surprised at the gut wrenching feelings. However I had 2 friends in particular who intuitively understood and showed me so much compassion for which Im forever great full. Because that is not the sort of environment I want my kids around. I feel guilty for feeling sad. You cannot force someone to love you, not even your own parent. . As sunset's orange magnificence cast a loving shadow On her, I hold out Hoping for some sort of amends, A reconciliation. So in a way I think I did not grieve how I needed to at the time. I really appreciate hearing from everyone as it makes me feel less alone too. I am so thankful I found this article and all of these comments to validate all my jumbled emotions. For years I blamed myself. The death of an estranged parent means youre forced to grieve their death twice. I didnt expect him to die at the age he did, I did not consider he would get memory loss. She's a Long Way From Home by Paula Nico She never called She never came I waited. I often wonder how Ill feel when he dies, and I have ensured I have ties to his siblings so that I know about it. Thank you so much for writing this. as you keep thinking over and shedding a tear. Everyone has the right to grieve a relationship, no matter the type of relationship. My mother met who would become our stepfather a few years later. But, I know there are many others out there who have very limited support and understanding to go through the unexpected shock and grieving process. Its as if youve been inside my head, taken notes and verbalised all of the thoughts. We went together and then afterwards we just processed what we had just done. . So I decided to walk away. So many more feelings than I ever expected. Recently I have began to wonder how I will deal with the feelings, so I felt reading this article may prepare me in some way, although I know it wont, its strange. It was a hard decision and one I have regretted on occasion since his death but I made it for the right reasons. I recently had this discussion with my uncle (my mums brother) with whom I have always been quite close. It was never his fault. So many emotions!! She cries.. We should not try to comfort the family by saying that "it was his time anyway", or, "he was suffering". I had a step father but that was not the same. She let him have it right there on her front porch. Did you attend the funeral? It is such a relief that all the many emotions that I have experienced from the death of my estranged father 2 years ago is a thing. He was never violent or abusive he just didnt care it seems. But the past is over and you and the family need to move on. I had no time to gather my thoughts or process my feelings. That was it. . There was now no chance for reconciliation. Thanks very much for taking the time to leave a message. What matters is how he nurtured us. I tried to reassemble some kind of relationship with him when I had my first son, however how can you rekindle something that was nonexistent? My estranged father died in February and today is his birthday. Our Loving Father God took the strength of a mountain & the majesty of a tree. I feel cheated as his wife did not tell me and I now feel I need to process this grief yet it doesnt seem that I deserve to feel grief as youre right, peoples opinion is that we didnt have a relationship anyway. I pray more people think about consequences of disappearing from each other while we are still alive. I hope your father can rest in peace. For me it was a very private affair. Every time Id reached out previously there was always someone to blame. Maybe they should do cards that say Im sorry you lost your father however it happened. I went to go see him. When I was told it was already a couple years after death and funeral. Im glad I went but it was strange as they described a man I did not know. 41 views, 1 likes, 1 loves, 0 comments, 1 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Lakeholm Church: April 2, 2023 - Palm Sunday Not me,wouldnt bother me! I really am at the end of my tether. We didnt attend the funeral. I look back at my childhood and wish I had had a Daddy that would look after me, tell me about boys and teach me how to drive. I can say I have amazing friends, that might not understand, but they say they know is the 15 yrs old girl inside of me who is talking, others have decided to take distance, they couldnt deal with my intensity in this time or maybe didnt understand that I had a reason for it, after all we didnt had a relationship. My father and I last spoke harsh words to each other and never made amends before he died. It is grief over the loss of a loved parent. My father passed away just yesterday. I read this post with interest, as I was estranged from my mother when she died, and have been estranged from my father for decades. Maybe share how you feel so he can grow with you. Thank you. I was crying, because, as many of you know, I don't do well with change. Like it didnt count. I thank you for thisit is really needed (more than you know). plattsburgh state hockey division . Thank you for taking the time to let me know. But I never gave him a thought because my mom remarried and I have the most amazing father I could have ever imagined could exist on this earth. Hed fill it to the brim and the poor dog would fall over. His oxygen levels and blood pressure looked great and he made it until the next day and then he was transported to a hospice facility, while he was there I told him how much I loved him and that I was sorry and he passed away the next day at 5:02pm. Because he decided years ago that he didnt want to do that. I am glad that you have supportive friends and make sure you lean on them when you need to. I did not lose someone I spoke to every day. He caused my mum a lot of grief before they divorced and she ended up having a nervous break down. All those thoughts and feeling came rushing back. I said good bye to my mum on my own at the Chapel of Rest and didnt want to mourn in front of people at the funeral that I either didnt know, or didnt understand my situation. Thank you so much for this post Erica! I am sure your father felt the same way about you. There really is a common theme among these stories and I think it is important that none of us, the children, are responsible in any way. I had thought I knew this myself, and spitefully in a way left the ball in his court, so he could hold the shame/ guilt. I reconnected with him at 18; on-off, and then again connected at the age of 40. The last time I saw my dad, he implied that he was in a sensitive relationship and that it would be best if we didnt spend time together. Im glad I wrote this as lots of people have been or are in the same situation and I didnt realise. But, I know there are many others out there who have very limited support and understanding to go through the unexpected shock and grieving process. After my husband convinced me to go, we ended up arriving at the funeral home about 10 minutes late but my uncle made everyone wait. I have a lot of good memories of him. But oddly there is also an element of relief like this is the last time he will leave me. So, thank you. My dads sister has been cruel over my decision and would be cruel If I attended the funeral. I cut ties with him last year because it was very difficult emotionally. I hadnt spoken to my father in almost 15 years. Left us as a family and the story goes on and on. Song for Dad "Lately I've been noticing. The ramifications for children who are adopted even at a very young age are huge. We maintained contact but he never acknowledged a birthday or Christmas for me or any of my siblings, or paid maintenance. Grief is a funny thing. So of course, I decided that I was going to go to the hospital and show my respect. There is a jewel in this story and that is I was so extremely fortunate to have my family as well as my dads family provide world-class, non-judgmental support to me. He had another family now, so I knew he was ok. 8 years later he died. They had me a bit later in their lives. Years went by and he didnt contact me. Sending Love to everyone. I lost someone I SHOULD HAVE had that relationship with but, for one reason or another, was robbed of that. And thats the last time I saw him. why wasnt dad around more sober?. Being able to see my Great Aunt Addie, watching her quilt, and hearing my Granny ring that dinner bell in the front yard. Surely if he had he would have sent presents at Christmas and birthdays, at least paid maintenance. Was my dad a nice guy? This is the first mention Ive ever seen on this topic, and I read it with interest. The difference between our stories is that I actually had memories of my father and myself being close. But I didnt cry. Grief and Loss: Poems for Remembering a Family Member. Death is so final and painful with an estranged parent. Thank you. If I would feel guilty for not continuing the relationship, if I would feel anything at all. I therefore have very little from my childhood. Maybe I need to get some cards into production for people like us! I will never know why he behaved the way he did. I appreciate its not the same but its still a loss. I was not, I assume, because I did not. Would he have been able to meet his grandson? Guilt, anger, sadness, emptiness and a longing for a father that didnt exist. My estranged father died January 22, 2017. He went on to marry and have two further children. Where did it do? In this poem, people remember the accomplishments of a talented young athlete. It brought back feeling of anger and betrayal, and longing for what couldve been. The next day, we all went back to the grave site. I was constantly being told how to feel and how to react by family members when I wasnt even sure how I felt about everything as I was so focused on planning the funerals I havent really been able to talk properly with others about it because I dont feel they would understand. Poems These poems are on the subject of estrangement and are written by parents, adult children and famous poets. I found out this week that my father died from covid last October. Ultimately I believe we are better off without them but thats little comfort really. It comes in waves when you least expect it. Do not allow other family members to keep alive the hurts of the past. We know we were better off without them but it doesnt help that feeling of loss x, Thanks Niki, I dont think you will know how you feel until it actually happens. Unconditional love is never forgotten. My stepdad hung on to my stuff for me until I returned a few years later. Whether it is for yourself or for a friend who has to make a touching speech at a funeral, these short poems will help you relate to the inner feelings . I cannot answer your question Im afraid, as we are all different and all cope in different ways. I walked out, got in the car and wasnt spoken to at all. My eldest have chosen to walk away from me, and the only time we ever have ANY contact is when I force the issue. As I continue to work through this grief, I am finding it increasingly difficult to find someone who understands my perspective. Long before I stopped calling him, he was done with me. I guess what I am trying to say is please treat someones loss as you would the loss of any parent. So yes, I completely understand all of the ladies who have contributed to this page. I didnt know how to feel and still some days, I still dont. Perhaps people are saying, but men sometimes dont think, in general. He wasnt a good person, did a lot of drugs, drank, didnt pay support and just took off. I mentioned to him that our family hadnt reacted to the loss of my father, his reply was why should they?. The truth is that those we love are never truly gone. I totally get what you mean about it being final and I certainly think when he dies it will trigger lots of sadness about how things could have been different. She said he had long been "a tyrant, very . So, release yourself from the guilt and regret. The death of the parent causes images in the mind to appear, conjuring ideas of how the relationship should have developed. Dreams for a better relationship remain only that a dream. Bee, I cannot say that I have been the estranged child, but I can speak from the estranged parent standpoint. Probably the most important thing that you can do in expressing condolences for yourself and your family is to forget the past. Remember those moments as the foundation for your feelings. This is the last time he can abandon me. The delicate balances in a parent-child relationship coupled with the intense emotions that accompany the grieving process can be overwhelming to handle. People went to the funerals, sent flowers. After a few years they became estranged as did I from my 2 brothers and sister in the end for various reasons. At 18 I decided to cut ties. My father was only 67 years old. Although he lives in the same small town as I do, I almost never see him, and although in his 70s, he remarried. Some people do not understand how I feel, namely my ex partner. After a few years he stopped reaching out, and we learned he was living in a trailer on a family members piece of land. If someone had said their estranged parent had passed away, well, they didnt have a relationship with them anyway, so what? Although my father was an addict as an adult I wanted a relationship with him but it never worked out. My own father cut me off (and the rest of his children/family) 9 years ago. As a guy, it adds another layer of complexity because men showing signs of grief and sadness is considered weak. He got the complete opposite and died alone. Thats it, walking away was the right thing to do. I didnt receive one at all. The death of someone close to us leave us shocked with grief. Bee, you did a reading for me once that affirmed so many things about my relationship with my parents when they were alive. Hi Erica, Leave the recriminations behind; let go of the resentment. Gather a family member or close friend and have a private time, memorializing the better moments of your lives and honoring the death. Or Id stay with my favorite aunt and her three girls (close in age to me), who lived a couple exits south. Example 1. I never thought in a million years that I would feel the way that I do today. So sorry I did not reply sooner. I was able to meet and be welcomed by my dads family and hear about him. lived in the body of a 90 year old. Doesnt that sound terrible to say about your own parent? The speaker sits on the deathbed of his dad and asks him to fight for life. I am struggling a little at the moment with the complete lack of acknowledgment from my extended family and in someways my spouse. Sporadically he was in my life but he never really got me and I didnt get him. Not sure if it will help me right now but as the days and weeks pass I will read it often and maybe It will lessen the hurt and loss I feel right now. Myself and my sisters and brother buried him with dignity but also were very careful to respect ourselves. I learned of my fathers passing late last night, funeral this morning. I do believe it is because I am kicking myself for not cultivating a relationship with the man who saved me and gave me a blessed childhood. He was at peace! What I do often wonder, though, is how he left me and subsequently started another family that he was able to attach to? I craved his love my whole life. Guilty that I was disrespecting my dad and how dare i? xx. Where is the trust and the love? Poems for Funerals and Memorial Services One does not leave a funeral in the same way that he has come. Look, If you need anything please call me and tell them no matter what that you have love for them. What you say about mourning for the relationship youd wished youd had completely resonates with me. We visited a few times over his last days, but in the end I still dont feel like I got the resolution I longed for. Sometime as children we suffer for the mistakes of the parent, dont let the issue be taboo or only wait for him to speak to you. This article has actually made me cry. My father estranged himself from almost everyone in our family once he and my mother formally separated a number of years ago after abuses escalated. If you are struggling please reach out for some counselling in your area, or even online. Its a loss that just goes on really, isnt it? I can only imagine how painful that was for him. Then, I grew up quite a bit and started to feel empathy for him. Almost every estranged child can remember some pieces of the past that brought happiness and joy. Sometimes the conflicts cannot be resolved and divorce becomes the end result. My father is also absent by choice. Honoring the death of a person who was difficult to love - A combo memorial service / shiva minyan can help you do so A few months ago, I had the complicated privilege of helping a family plan a memorial/shiva service for their father, who had died after a long illness, and after an even longer period of pain of estrangement from his four adult children, their spouses, and his grandchildren. Discover and share Estranged Mother And Daughter Quotes. I had received a message on Facebook stating that he had had a massive stroke and was in ICU and that it didnt look good for him. I felt hurt for my mum as well. It's a wonderful funeral poem for dads. I went early that morning and just sat with him. Thank you again and sympathies to everyone grieving a loss. I still had no interest in a relationship with him but I somehow gained some perspective. The news of the death of an estranged parent is something I found very hard to process and grieving the death of an estranged parent is very different to the loss of a present parent. 2 years went by and I relented and got in touch with his wife via social media but she did not respond. I explained that it was final. The wisdom of the ages and the power of the eagle's flight, I probably needed a lot more support than I thought. If you were estranged from the deceased person, you might no longer be in contact or close with their family. thank you, My estranged mother died just over a year ago and I am not in a very good place at all. Ive had several messages along the same lines. The day before Xmas Eve. But for my dad, I mourned his death years ago when he chose to go on with his life and I chose to stick with those who love me better. There may even be mixed feelings because others you care about feel sad, while you are not. There are a number of different attachment styles and it baffles me that more is not known about this. I did cry, minimally, but appreciated the opportunity for our last talk. Six uplifting poems about death that celebrate life. Indeed not only was I without a father but also grandparents. He had been feeling bad but didnt have health insurance or a way to get to the doctor. I was shocked that I needed support and very fortunate to have it. I have so much blame and anger in me, i dont know how i will ever let it go. So now im not only dealing with grief, but also with hatred and rwsentment towards my ex husband. He knew who I was and held my hand. Boy and Father by Carl Sandburg. We havent talked about it since. But when my bio dad died I was an emotional mess and had no clue why and felt so incredibly guilty. With estrangement, there's often an enduring hope that things might change. Death closes the door on reconciliation. He was not a bad person. Alone in the dark, sometimes in fear, voices from loved . I asked for the past to be kept in the past but it was brought up time and time again. Best regards x. Its a real comfort reading these words. How are you feeling now? In the instance of estrangement, because the relationship was so strained, sadness may not be one of the emotions that immediately comes to the front. Lots of sympathy has come in, and I feel almost like a fraud for accepting their sympathy. The Death of Estranged. Im writing about this because parents die and when they do, its extremely hard. He only lived a few miles away but made a new life with a new family. Id describe my father as semi estranged and Ive often wondered how Ill feel when he dies so this was really interesting to read. I want to encourage everyone to provide this support and to know that many times the support can simply mean asking how someone is doing and then providing a great listening ear to them while giving no advice or remedies. 2. 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